Spirituality doesn't need structure. That's a human thing. It simply is. We need structure. The more someone thinks they don't need structure, the more they usually need it. At least in the beginning of a person's path. As you become more attuned to yourself, it becomes increasingly clear what you need and when you need it. Right now, I don't need a structured spiritual path.

Another Rebirth? Seriously?
I think I've hit another rebirthing moment where I have to skuttle old patterns and things that no longer serve me while opening myself to the new and unformed. It's scary as all Hell. I would like to have found a steady, stable path, and in some ways, I have. Work continues to go well, and I have my regular daily routine. But those types of structures have a lot less "security" for me than they used to hold. I guess what I'm speaking of is more an internal sense of security and well-being. I still feel like I'm in rehab; parts of me are as I'm working on a physical therapy regimen for my knees, which have gotten pulled out of whack just enough to be bothersome by overly tight quads.

But to focus more on the internal movements, there is this internal mechanism that I created to review, assess, and move through all kinds of personal issues. This makes it sound like I was a mess, which isn't really the case. Most people who've known me most of my life have seen that I'm steady, stable, funny, and usually pretty positive guy. It's just that we all have internal concerns; fears, worries, sadness, anger. I learned how to create an internal mindset to move through those, and then I supplemented that sense of self with people, practices, and other stuff to work it through.

When Success Is No Longer Needed
I really was successful. Every now and then, I do take a glimpse back and realize that I've moved out so much fear in myself. I am so much more out-going, adventurous, spontaneous, and open to life than I have ever been. I took some hits along the way by people who did or didn't know what they were reacting to, but that's life. Even when you aren't moving through a spiritual process, you're going to take hits. At least when you've developed a spiritual path in your life, you can see why people are doing what they're doing and take it a little less personally.

But I no longer need to be successful in this way. In many regards, this whole process isn't allowing me to rest, have fun, and to recuperate. Much like working out for the body, this work out for the soul requires equal measures of rest to allow the whole system to relax, rebalance, re-acclimate. In some ways, I'm not entirely sure who I am right now. I'm not sure that that's a bad thing, but I think I'm moving into an openness that needs to decide who and what I am in a new way. And I don't know what that way is exactly, but I'm sure the answer will appear.

Letting Go, But Not Leaving Behind
I'm relaxing my mediation practice. I used to meditate for an hour a day, but that no longer feels helpful. In some respects, I feel like certain natural ways that I am are a kind of meditation of their own when I simply am present. Certain friendships I am holding more lightly. It doesn't mean leaving behind these friendships, but a number of them really came into my life as part of this wheel of fire that I was turning to take on personal issues. If anything, these friendships are the most dear to me that I've had, but they need to shift into other ways of being to be relevant to the me that I am now.

Most of all, I am working to let go of the mindset, and this is the hardest part. I turned a tough inner self-critic into a catalyst for personal and spiritual growth. It worked out really well. Now, I'm working on just letting it go, and seeing where I stand. I am working on letting go of a lot of my life to see what I've got and to be with it. I don't want to go anywhere right now. I do want some more social connections to have fun with, but most of all, I just want to allow myself more space to just be.

Seriously. What is that? Does anybody know because I think I'm going to be figuring that out during this next phase of my personal path.

Things That I Don't Think It Is
Finding your soulmate. Unfortunately society has coopted this term which is alternately referred to as finding the "one." Essentially, the mind is fixated on one point of joy or one person who can fully complete them, which to me is the opposite of spirituality. Spirituality finds joys in all things, finds completion in being.

Meditating on dates. I wouldn't be against meditating on a date, but I think this could be casting the whole dating process into too narrow of a process. Subsequently, I also don't think it would just happen on spiritual retreats, yoga workshops, and so forth. Although it could.

My Best Guesses as to What Spiritual Dating Would Be
No power games. Recently as I've been meeting women, I am always struck by the power games that go on with verbal sparring and some of the initial contacts between men and women. I can feel on the subtle level when someone is trying to gain control over me. I'm sure that it's an attempt to protect a sense of vulnerability, but the feeling is so unattractive to me, that I don't last long in a conversation like that much less get a phone number and go out on a date.

Dating anyone. I find that I oscillate from spaces where I can be with anyone and spaces where I'm even more ridiculously particular than ever before. When I'm in that higher space, I really can date anyone, and having commonalities don't seem to matter much to me. It confuses who I'm dating though because conventional dating is to find someone with common interests (which isn't a bad thing). I think in a higher space you can date someone really different from yourself, and you delight in the differences. You can also date someone with a lot of similarities as yoruself, and you delight in those similarities. How this works in a long term relationship is an open question.

Higher integrity and less attachment. This expands on the lack of power games because the two people hold each other in high integrity. The kind of relationship they hold allows both of them freedom to take care of their lives as well as the safety and support of someone else. The relationship is held together by choice and not by attachment or need. I'm not sure any relationship on the human plane is fully cleansed of need and karma, but in spiritual dating, I would think that this would be the goal.

Evolving Dating and Relationships
I can't say that I've seen spiritual dating or relationships. I think I've seen a couple that skirt the edges of it or where one partner is so fully immersed in a spiritual path that it draws his or her partner into it naturally. But for two people to engage it consciously has probably been pretty rare so far. I expect that to change because I see so much energy upwelling in the youth as the whole consciousness on the planet is immersed in a massive awareness upgrade.

I applaud Gaia for creating their soulmates spiritual dating site. It's a nice idea, although the problem with dating sites is that you have to hit a certain level of participation within a geo-target for it to really gain traction. Fortunately, I think more people will be looking at relationships and dating a spiritual paradigm, so it's not a bad area to stake out. =)

What Does Spiritual Dating Mean to You?
I'll end by throwing it out there to all the people who wander across this blog to see what you think of the term spiritual dating and what it would mean to you.

So many holidays have gotten worn out with materialism and obligatory commitments to family. It can suck the joy of giving out of them. Valentine's Day and Mother's Day come to mind as two days that I think are trademarked by Hallmark. Christmas and the general deluge of materialism is well known, and Thanksgiving has often become a day of gluttony, bad football, and the occasional family fiasco. It makes you wonder why you do these things.

New Awareness and Holidays
I know that I'm painting a bleak picture, but I guess I'm feeling dramatic this morning. No, it's not all that bad, but I'm also reminded of something that a cousin's friend once said at dinner.

"Why do I need a day to tell my mother that I love her? Why can't that be every day?" [In regards to mother's day]

I thought it was such a beautiful sentiment. I feel that way about a lot of holidays. Why do I need Christmas to remind me to be giving to my friends and family? Why do I need a day set aside just to be thankful for all that I have? Increasingly, these types of holidays/rituals will lose some of their meaning for those experiencing a broader awareness. Gratitude, giving, and love are things that start to become part of one's daily life; no excuse or national holiday is needed. I think for some still learning how to give and to stay connected that predefined, prepackaged holidays will continue to hold a very powerful meaning to help them practice giving.

Don't Cancel Christmas Yet!
I'm not saying that all holidays should go away. For one, I very much love Christmas and giving and receiving. I'm saying that they won't be experienced the same way. If you can only get cake on your birthday, it's one thing. If you can get cake every day, that makes it another. It doesn't make it not special, but your orientation towards it changes. It also means that if cake isn't that great on your birthday, then it's not the end of the world. There will be more tomorrow.

Gratitude and Thanksgiving
Which at last leads me to the title of this blog. In the terminology of the new awareness emerging in this world, I'll dub Thanksgiving as Gratitude Day. Beyond turkey, tofurkey, turducken, and whatever fowl/non-fowl you are ingesting, today can be a day for being grateful. Grateful for food. Grateful for family. Grateful for friends.

I am grateful to be alive. This sounds dramatic, but it's not. It's just how I feel. Life is the gift that we all share, and it is one that can also be suddenly taken away. There's no rhyme or reason to when we have it and when it's gone; it's just that a moment comes and then everything changes.

But I am alive, and I've made it through one of the toughest internal periods of my life. I don't think that I've ever felt as awful living in my own skin for as long as I have, and this November, I feel like I'm starting to be okay inhabiting this body and living my life. (Still sound dramatic, don't I? I guess it's just one of those blogs).

So I am thankful and grateful to be alive, to have the chance to meet and connect with more wonderful people, and to draw one next breath in this gift that is my life.

I've realized that in all this spiritual blogging that I haven't talked about one of the most integral parts of my whole spiritual re-evolution that's gone on in the past couple of years: love.

It's such a simple term, and it gets bandied about all the time. I love football. I love chocolate. I love you. I love me. All of these have different connotations and contexts. Most of the time, the term "love" is simply being used as a way of saying that someone really likes something. "Liking" something to me is a kind of egoic preference. Not a bad thing, but it's an ephemoral thing. When someone "loves" you in this context, then if you change or do something different, that love often disappears. You may wonder what happened, if it was real at all, and generally feel confused. I think we've all had those feelings before.

What Is Love?
Love, for me, is exceedingly simple. Love is total acceptance. When someone totally accepts who we are, there is an incredible freedom that's being allowed. You don't feel like you have to fight to defend any aspect of yourself. There's no need because all of you is seen and accepted. If you change, the love doesn't go away. If you have a bad day, the love is still there. It's an incredible gift, and we all probably have tasted the edges of it at times (usually in the beginning of relationships) when two people are potentially the most open and before expectations are laden onto one another.

Love isn't passive though. It's not saying, "I totally accept that you're an axe murderer." Love can see that that person IS an axe murderer, and subsequently there's no naivete about what such a person may or may not do. Love in this case may be getting that person help, although in my experience the power of love causes changes in another person. There are things that happen in subtle energetic levels when someone exudes lots of love. In this space, someone may be able to let go of their terrible hatred, but you don't expect it.

Love Is Dynamic
My experiences with love is that it's alive. It's always moving and changing in me and around me. It's also always in me. The more work I do on the spiritual path, the more that I see love is what I am. This always sounds a little hookey, and in a society that's gotten a little cynical (maybe more than a little), this is a tough statement to swallow. But as Eckhart Tolle might say, walk down this path and find out what is true for you. What does love mean to you? What does it feel like? How does it reside in your heart?

When I'm most in love, I find giving arises naturally. Right now, I'm most in that space Christmas shopping. For my family, Christmas has not become stripped of all meaning by materialism. We really have fun finding gifts for each other, and three out of the four of us have already emailed around Christmas lists. Because there's a lot of love in my family, it's easy to give, find presents, and wrap them (I have so much fun wrapping--it's something about the colorful paper). In this sense, I'm moving, buying stuff, and doing things. It's the dynamism of love.

Love Is Within You
But most important of all, love is within you. The greatest love you can ever experience is already within you and cannot compare to what another has to offer. Sure, there are lots of great things that another can share, including love. But how you feel comes from within 90 percent of the time. I do believe that the outside world influences us, and if you're around a spiritual teacher or in special moments when two souls blend, then love can be felt coming from an outside source. But most of the time for most people, the most important part is to recognize that its within. (Until such time as you're so elevated that everything is oneness and then love is everything, within, without, up, down, sideways, backways =)

Opening Your Heart
I probably could write half a book on this process since it's been so central to my growth. It's a funny thing that while love resides in all of us, it only seems to really become active when you open your heart. In this instance, that dynamism can be released and be reflected back from other people. The more people you find who move with this deep sense of love, the more love comes back to you. It becomes like this bigger and bigger energy that grows as it gets passed back and forth, and you may ever fall in love with whoever is passing it back the purest. Depending on where you are in your path, this can be a tricky point. Because when you think the other person reflecting is the originator of love and not a participant, you can squelch that energy. Suddenly, you may try to grab hold of it and kill the momentum. But if you're careful and have the right counterpart, you too can keep that energy flowing so long as you both know that all the love that you'd ever need or could ever experience is and has always resided within you.