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forgiveness
November 2009 
What To Do When You Meet Yourself on the Spiritual Path
Posted on Apr 4th, 2009
by 
Jim
Jim
Hello again. It's time for an "oh shit" moment. You're just walking along minding your own business trying to figure out how to get a job in a recession and then you meet yourself. Maybe you didn't realize that you'd split--that a part of you got left somewhere and only now just caught up or you finally looped back. But you've met yourself. Maybe this other "you" is pissed. Pissed to have been left behind, and suddenly, you realize why everything has been going wrong for so long. Suddenly, you realize that you've only been half or less of the whole that is you, but you're going to have to re-integrate. And this other half may be very upset. So what do you do?
Negotiate. Some part of this old you will work with who you are now and some will not. But it's not a one way street because some of the parts of you that you've been using are broken down crap compared to the parts of the older you. You tried out a new engine, but really you had the right engine from the get go. So, you've got some decisions to make about how you're going to be, about who you're going to be.
Re-integration. Your other half has all kinds of memories from the past that you've been carrying around and have not completely dealt with. You'll need to deal with that stuff now. In some instances, it's simply letting the thoughts and feelings arise and then pass. There may be no actions required. In other instances, it will involve making drastic, sudden, and unapologetic changes to sync up with who you are. Everything can change very quickly when you re-integrate. It's why so many people may avoid it. They may still be holding onto relationships, places, jobs, and other things that have been used to create a sense of safety or identity. Finally, you'll also be educating this older self about along the things that have gone on and the people that you've met since it's been away, lost. It's kind of like sitting down with an old friend. It may feel a little weird to treat yourself this way, but it works. =)
Self Forgiveness. I think--to step out of the "you" point of view that I'm using--that forgiving yourself for separating and for following a path that wasn't completely true to who you are is important. I wound up in San Francisco because I thought I was following my heart, but really I was following something else. I was following an energy flow that did not serve me, and while that doesn't invalidate the people or experiences that have entered my life in the last year, it is a huge wake up call that I can make serious mistakes in my life. It's also a huge learning lesson about what it feels like physically, emotionally, and spirituality to make such an enormous mistake.
Moving On. And then at some point after negotiating, re-integrating, and forgiveness, you move on. Because all those other moments are over. When exactly you're allowed to move on may parallel the speed that you move through these other moments. It simply depends on your path, but these are some of the movements that I've experienced in my life. Have you had similar experiences? What were they like? Feel free to leave a comment.
Negotiate. Some part of this old you will work with who you are now and some will not. But it's not a one way street because some of the parts of you that you've been using are broken down crap compared to the parts of the older you. You tried out a new engine, but really you had the right engine from the get go. So, you've got some decisions to make about how you're going to be, about who you're going to be.
Re-integration. Your other half has all kinds of memories from the past that you've been carrying around and have not completely dealt with. You'll need to deal with that stuff now. In some instances, it's simply letting the thoughts and feelings arise and then pass. There may be no actions required. In other instances, it will involve making drastic, sudden, and unapologetic changes to sync up with who you are. Everything can change very quickly when you re-integrate. It's why so many people may avoid it. They may still be holding onto relationships, places, jobs, and other things that have been used to create a sense of safety or identity. Finally, you'll also be educating this older self about along the things that have gone on and the people that you've met since it's been away, lost. It's kind of like sitting down with an old friend. It may feel a little weird to treat yourself this way, but it works. =)
Self Forgiveness. I think--to step out of the "you" point of view that I'm using--that forgiving yourself for separating and for following a path that wasn't completely true to who you are is important. I wound up in San Francisco because I thought I was following my heart, but really I was following something else. I was following an energy flow that did not serve me, and while that doesn't invalidate the people or experiences that have entered my life in the last year, it is a huge wake up call that I can make serious mistakes in my life. It's also a huge learning lesson about what it feels like physically, emotionally, and spirituality to make such an enormous mistake.
Moving On. And then at some point after negotiating, re-integrating, and forgiveness, you move on. Because all those other moments are over. When exactly you're allowed to move on may parallel the speed that you move through these other moments. It simply depends on your path, but these are some of the movements that I've experienced in my life. Have you had similar experiences? What were they like? Feel free to leave a comment.
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Welcome home. Hope to visit you at your new place in later May or early June. I still would not say that going to San Francisco was a mistake. I believe that it was a huge opportunity for growth. Ask yourself where would I be or what would I be like if I had not gone to San Francisco? The person who drove into San Francisco is not the same person who drove out.
For other Gaia readers, this is how it often is with very difficult experiences. I always ask myself, what did I learn through a difficult experience. If I didn't learn something, then I really need to rethink the situation.
That's too linear of a thought for me. It presumes that I needed to go to San Francisco to become a certain way. It also presumes that I transformed in the best possible way. Maybe some place else would have been better or maybe worse for me in this transitional time of my life.
By saying it's a mistake, I'm not invalidating it, which is how the mind typically approaches it. San Francisco's energy did not honor mine. It was incredibly hard on me, and to say that learning something from a bad situation justifies it is often a way for the mind to get itself out of the jam of having made an error, a mistake. The fact is that it happened, and it wasn't the right thing for me. But it happened. And I am here now, and I'm picking up the pieces. As for learning things? That's the mind still trying to gather things. More and more, gathering knowledge isn't so helpful for me compared to just being in positive energy and situations.
I have also recently made a move to a place for the wrong reasons. The problem was, I didn't have any good reasons in mind! In fact making up my mind can be the hardest thing! What I'm learning is not to blame myself for my mistakes, this is how we all grow, through experimentation and mistakes. It's not a failure, its just another damn learning experience! ;)