A Long Way Back

I feel like I finally just crawled up out of the ocean onto the beach after having been paddling frantically for almost two years. It's amazing how quickly life changes on you.

I've been working at my latest job for about two months, and I can feel the shift in me as I settle into that role. More importantly, I can feel the internal shift in me as I settle into myself and the spiritual work that I've done pauses for this portion of my life. Holy moly, it's been a ride.

Now my challenge is to fill up this new structure that I've created in my life without filling it up needlessly. It's like I have all this extra space around me to play with and to enjoy where before my life was so narrowly confined by my fears and my self-expectations. I was stuck in a closet in a world without boundaries. I liked to say that closet was Reno, NV, and I've generally had little good to say about it. Having visited it since moving away, I can still say that it wasn't the right energy for me. But it's more than that obviously.

Meeting People
It's amazing to me how much easier it is for me to meet people now. Before I just had so much fear around how to be in those new situations, and now I find it increasingly more effortless to say "hello" and to strike conversations with most people. It's not completely fear-free yet. Any place where I'm attached to an outcome becomes much more difficult, but when I approach a situation and am open to whatever arises, it's so much more beautiful the connections that I make with people. I allow them to offer whatever it is they have to offer, and that makes relationships shine.

Dancing Quickly
I can't say that I'm still not dancing quickly in my life; I am. It's not that I've returned to some older version of me; it's that I've finally landed on a more stable version of this new me. I still have to figure him out. I've got a lot of new limitations around food and being in healthy energy situations as I have a lot fewer boundaries to block them out. Really boundaries are an interesting catch-22; if you have none, people turn you into a doormat. If you have too many, you can't feel life.

But along with that, I'm much more aware of what does and does not serve me now that I've gotten rid of half-a-dozen boundaries. So, I'm hopeful to continue to connect deeply with people while staying healthy (I get sick easily in bad energy situations).

So that's me. How are you? =)