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soulmate
November 2009 
What Is a Soulmate?
Posted on Jul 26th, 2009
by 
Jim
Jim
Since my last post has become possibly my most popular blog post ever (and definitely for this blog it is), I thought I'd continue to ruminate about soulmates and what that really is, as well as invite you to contribute your thoughts.
Debunking the Current Soulmate Myth
Personally, I don't buy the way the concept of "soulmate" as currently sold in our culture. Right now, there's only 1 person for you. That's it. Just one. In fact, that's often the term that people use in regards to this quest for soul completion through another; I'm looking for "the one." Oh man. That just sucks. I mean really? In a world with 6 billion people on it, there's only one. Oh guess what? Yours is in Uzbekistan. Happy hiking. I hope you're ready to go. Maybe some of your are. Maybe the pull for that person to complete you is that strong.
Debunking the Current Soulmate Myth
Personally, I don't buy the way the concept of "soulmate" as currently sold in our culture. Right now, there's only 1 person for you. That's it. Just one. In fact, that's often the term that people use in regards to this quest for soul completion through another; I'm looking for "the one." Oh man. That just sucks. I mean really? In a world with 6 billion people on it, there's only one. Oh guess what? Yours is in Uzbekistan. Happy hiking. I hope you're ready to go. Maybe some of your are. Maybe the pull for that person to complete you is that strong.
Don't Buy the Plane Tickets Yet
Before you start learning Uzbek, I'd like to say that you've been tricked. The ego in its many shifty little ways has gotten you to think small. For the ego, abundance has no value. So if you were to look around and see your soulmate everywhere, it's been taught to either not believe it or just not see it. I'm not exactly saying that your soulmate is everywhere. I'm not even really saying what it is yet. What I am saying is that to find someone to match you, it starts by letting go of what you think that match looks like, and it starts by making space for that person to be many types of people. Let go of the preconceptions of how a spiritual union looks and of what you think you want, and start to trust in the process of spiritual discovery.
Finally, He's Going to Say What He Thinks a Soulmate Is
I don't think a soulmate is a noun. I think the term is a verb. I think it's when two souls mate, and since mate has all kinds of odd connotations, let's say it's when two souls can blend. It doesn't necessarily happen that often, and when you touch even a granule of it, you can be overwhelmed. The drought of connection in the world is pretty bad, so a little goes a long way. I do believe that anyone can be a soulmate when both people are working to clear away their hidden issues and boundaries and when they can hold each other in the highest regard and deepest fathoms of love. That may seem like the rub on the whole issue for some people; not everyone wants this. It's a lot of work, but I think the pay-off is pretty big too.
Start With the Love Within You
The searching aspect of this is always the biggest thing that a lot of us trip over. How do you search without grasping? How do you find another who would want to blend in this deeply connected way? It starts with you. It always starts with you. That's what really gets you about anything spiritually-related; there's no wonder pill, get rich-quick scheme, or rich uncle to buy it for you. You've got to do it yourself, and the more love that you cultivate for yourself, the more magnetic you'll become to others who reflect that quality. I'm not saying that people will be banging down your door for dates, but I think a few more quiet beautiful moments may start to bubble up in your life. And if you're lucky (because I think there's always a bit of luck and a bit of God's grace), one day you look into another set of smiling eyes, and a possibility opens for two souls to embrace.
Access: Public
Love and share your thoughts with a small caveat. Most of all, embrace your concept of cultivating love in you and for yourself! If I buy tickets to Uzbekistan, my heart will want to experience something there that enriches my precious and too short time on this earth and in this life. And…should I share some soul touching moments in the process, it would be so much better. Still, to maintain the connection you write so eloquently about with one or a number of other persons over time requires heartfelt, hard, and patient practice. Don't count on too many “deep fathoms of love.” When they do happen, cherish, celebrate, and remember them. (The first look at my baby's face comes to mind.) love, a.p.
Thank you for your thoughts. It's true; you can find amazing connections with people in Uzbekistan or in any other corner of the world you go to. Mostly because you carry that love inside yourself. Can you think of a place where love cannot be found if it already resides in you?
The deeper point about soulmates is that this kind of blending can be had with anyone. I am saying that you should not only count on many “deep fathoms of love,” that you should expect it. And don't expect it in the manner of thinking that something should happen. Expect it in the sense that you can't imagine any other possible way of living.
Many things in this world take a lot of work. Love does not. There is a process of “unworking” where we have to strip away our boundaries and preconceptions about love that has to happen for most of us. That kind of work is undoing, is unlearning the fears and angers that we've been taught to hold around relationships. When you patiently work through that, you may suddenly find that soulful love is a lot closer to you and can be seen in more than just a few bright shining faces.
Wonderfully stated. Getting there always a work in progress. Monks spend a lifetime at it don't they? Me…a mere two years so far. Interestingly, of late animals all want to be close to me. Strange yes? Guess they pick up on the stripping away faster than humans caught up in their fear and anger?
Jim,
This is a very good discussion. The multipkicity of forms would indicate an expanded understanding of a phrase you wrote ”many types of people” are actually needed in any one life, to have wholeness. That doesn't mean that one can not commit themselves to a partnership with one other person. One can be loyal to such a partnership, whatever it embodies, including sexual satisfaction and still, be open to fulfilling other aspects of their soul's needs, through other relationships, that do not contradict the partnership agreement. Marriage is a kind of partnership agreement with expectations, legalities and dissolution rules.
I did discover my own physical husband in a unique way. I discovered him through an eligibles section of a local entertainment weekly over 20 years ago. It was my 2nd ad in that publication, and that particular time, I wrote it from my heart. Meeting him was like coming back home to the way I was raised to be and we have been compatible and happy for over 20 years and now have 2 young sons together. However, he does not complete me, nor did I ever expect that of him. Yet, he is good for me and me for him, and I like not living alone but having someone around to share the joys and sorrows with.
A spiritual union can occur in a non-physical way. I would totally agree with your statement “I do believe that anyone can be a soulmate … when they can hold each other in the highest regard and deepest fathoms of love.” Virtual communities make such a possibility viable; without the need to be geographically in proximity. Gaia is such a community and I believe that many members here do find a variety of fulfilling relationships which are on-going and of benefit, without the need for physical contact. Many Gaians actually do alos meet in the physical eventually and I have known of several to enter long term relationships together, having met here.
I suppose the question is - is it true that for each one of us, there is another one who “completes” us? ie a soulmate. I suggest that completion actually resides within our own larger, non-physical wholeness. That looking outside of oneself for completion is an effort that will ultimately disappoint the seeker.
However, this advice from you does go along way - “the more love that you cultivate for yourself, the more magnetic you'll become to others who reflect that quality.” The Law of Attraction is real. I met my husband after attending a Jack Canfield seminar (he is of The Secret fame but this was way long before Rhonda Byrne even had an inkling to do the movie). In that seminar, I raised my personal self-esteem high enough to attract this particular person , so that he did want to spend the rest of his life with me. I was happy enough with the situation overall to accept that concept, though I had been married before or in other very long-term relationships that eventually did fail.
Wishing every person the relationship(s),
that truly fulfill each of their heart's desires,
and their soul's plan of unfolding their highest good -
Deb
& yes, it does happen “with a bit o' luck and a bit o' God's grace” to be certain