Revelation, Spiritually Speaking of Course

A couple years back in my life, I would have given a lot just to have half a tablespoon of revelation. I probably thought it'd make me smarter. That was a big thing for me; I wouldn't say that it isn't still a big thing, but it's less important on a daily basis. In the last two years, I think I've had buckets of revelation juju, and really, it's nothing to shake a stick at. But it never tastes quite right going down, and you always feel like you're puking something else back up and out of you after you've swallowed it. I know. It's a visceral feeling and not very comfortable. If you're a little grossed out and uncomfortable, then we're on the same page.

Revelation: Just Go to the Movies
Revelation, as it always likes to do, shows up in the oddest places. I mean it wasn't too odd because it didn't come to me while I was watching Transformers 2 (which I didn't go see and don't want to go see). But typically speaking, movies aren't my deal. They're what I do when I am:

a) Sick
b) Absolutely lethargic
c) Excited about the storyline of a movie (Rare)
d) Out on a date (More rare)
e) Otherwise bored and craving anything to do

This trip to the movies falls under category c, if you'd like to know. The movie in question is (500) Days of Summer. I believe it was popular at the Sundance Film Festival, and it has slowly been making the rounds in other theaters as people continued to go see it and theater execs finally had a reason to inject reason, intrigue, and involving cinema into their usual schlock action movies, horror flicks, and sappy chick stuff. I also really like Zooey Deschanel who probably has the most engaging eyes of any actress I've ever seen.

It's Not a Love Story, But It Is a Love Story
I'm not sure how much I'll spoil this, but I would agree that this movie isn't your usual love story. And we certainly don't need one like that. It is instead a meditation on how love is created in the mind, in particular in a guy named Tom's mind. The movie smartly shows how he focuses on all the good parts of the relationship and ignores the bad parts to turn this girl into his perfect girl, his one true love. Then it doesn't work out. She dumps him, and he's crushed. What's more interesting is to see how she was an escape from his real passion, his real love: architecture. Summer points out on several occasions that Tom is a good architect (who btw is wasting his career as a greeting card writer). So in this frame, we see that Tom isn't actually pursuing his true love, and from that space, everything else is just a replacement. Eventually, he does pursue that love, and that turns the page in his life.

The "Ah Ha" Moment
This movie really got the wheels going for me, and then I took the next step. I asked the question, "What does he want from this love?" Either architecture or Summer apply here. I turned this question on myself. Why do I want love? I don't think too many people get to this point. At least the way things have been presented to me in my life, love is kind of this cure-all, end-game. Once you got it, you're happily ever after, and while I'm not so idealistic to by into a happily ever after, I have bought into this intense desire for romantic love as well as all kinds of other loves--familial love, best friend love, love of a great boss, love of a sunset, love of my writing, and more. But why? What do I get?

I get to feel alive.

It's that simple.

It's kind of a kick in the teeth.

If you start to break down everything in your life, you may just find that it's all trying to work you back to this point where you feel totally and completely alive. Love is one of those popular tools that makes your skin tingle and your breath quicken.

Here's a common scenario. You go to college. Why? To get a degree. Why? To get a good job. Why? To have a good career and make lots of money? Why so I can support myself and do lots of fun things? Why? So I can be happy. Why? What are you feeling when you're happy? What are the sensations in your body in that present moment when you finally feel the happiness that you're working for?

You feel alive.

And Now a Word From the Peanut Gallery
Seriously, spirituality is such a total gip. All you find out are things that a five year old would know. Really, I think I should go back to kindergarten, drink my juice, have my nap, and occasionally get in small tantrums over who gets to play with the big plastic dinosaur (That Johnny Wilkins better leave it alone, or else...).

Life-Seeking
I mean seriously; I've poured all this energy into my life to improve things, and I could have simply stopped and started breathing. And just sat in the beautiful moment. A part of me sees a lot of missed opportunities because of how intently I was focused on achieving things in the future. I forfeited a lot of stuff in the present moment. And I'm not talking about the living for the moment where people go have lots of sex and thrill seek; for them, those are simply substitutes for attaining the feeling of aliveness. And it's not to say that love, sex, and thrill-seeking among many others aren't fine, but you have to ask yourself if you already feel alive in every moment of your life. When you do, those other things are choices and no longer tools to give you that feeling. When you do them because you hate your job and your commute sucks or whatever the reason, then you're not really living your life. And living your life fully present and alive in each moment is everyone's one true gift. Everything else will arise and pass away.

So, I'm starting over again.

Back at square one.

And I am alive.